


The Art of Seduction

by oneshotsbygabby



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: Angst, Brock Rumlow should come with his own warning, Bucky Barnes & Steve Rogers Friendship, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky and Steve are JUST FRIENDS, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Creepy Brock Rumlow, Cunnilingus, Deaf Clint Barton, Double Agent!Reader, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Dates, Gentle Sex, HYDRA!reader, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Mutant Powers, Penis In Vagina Sex, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Protective Avengers, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Soft Bucky Barnes, Vaginal Sex, mutant!reader, poorly written action scenes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2019-11-08 00:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17970680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneshotsbygabby/pseuds/oneshotsbygabby
Summary: You're a HYDRA agent, and have been ordered to infiltrate the Avengers to bring the Winter Soldier back into HYDRA. Can you manage it, or will you really fall in love with him in the process?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on this imagine: [Imagine You’re the newest addition to the Avengers, and Bucky feels an instant attraction for you and he’s shameless about it. What he doesn’t know is that you’re actually working for Hydra, and that you were sent to seduce him and get him back](http://theartofimagining13.tumblr.com/post/171615098902/imagine).
> 
> It's going to be multiple chapters with probably a few plot twists. We'll see where the story takes me.

You didn't join HYDRA of your own free will.

You had been captured when you were just a child. You didn't have the true power of mind control, but they thought you could have, once you matured. So, as an orphaned child, you had literally nowhere to turn when HYDRA agents came after you. Not that you probably would have turned them down; after all, you didn't have anyone in your life, you had nowhere else to go. You were living on the streets, sleeping under overpasses, and stealing for your food. You weren't sure it could get any worse.

You were wrong. You had witnessed the lowest of the low when it came to humanity by working with HYDRA. Especially the treatment of the Asset.

You'd heard stories about him. You'd heard about how he had been a great soldier before HYDRA got ahold of him, and how he was deadly efficient. Fluent in at least eight languages and had over a dozen kills for the last fifty years. He was deadly.

You had grown up hearing stories about him. HYDRA had taught you not to fear from a very young age, and you not only had the power of persuasion, you were an elemental. One of HYDRA's deadliest weapons.

As you grew, you were sent out a lot with the Winter Soldier. You never gained the power of full mind-control, not the way HYDRA wanted you to, but you had what they called the power of persuasion. You could push ideas into other people's heads, but they didn't always act on them and they didn't always take. You couldn't just tell people to do something; part of them had to _want_ to do it.

As an elemental, though, you were pretty successful. You and the Winter Soldier worked well together; you were distant, cold, and incredibly cynical. The Soldier, who you just called 'Winter,' was also cold and deadly efficient, but there was more to him. You knew there was a man underneath what HYDRA had made, and you desperately wanted to know him, but he was practically a puppet for HYDRA.

And then the fall of SHIELD happened. You were still at the mercy of HYDRA, but you couldn't figure out how to escape -- not the way the Soldier had. A lot of time had passed where you were jealous of the fact that the Soldier had been able to escape, but you hadn't. You were incredibly bitter.

When the Soldier -- no, he was now known as _Bucky_ \-- when he joined the Avengers, there was a lot of fuss. There were a lot of people who said he was a murderer, there were a lot of people who refused to accept the fact that he'd done those things under mind control.

But the biggest fuss came from the ranks of HYDRA. Alexander Pierce was dead now, and Brock Rumlow -- fucking _Rumlow_ of all people -- was calling the shots. And you'd known Rumlow your entire life, and you hated him. In fact, you fucking despised that man. He was despicable, and had done inhumane things to many people, yourself included.

Back when your powers were still maturing, they thought that maybe torturing you or hurting you would help push them out the way they needed to be. It didn't work, but Rumlow, Pierce, and Rollins were the people mostly in charge of doing it. Rollins was dead now; you had seen to that one yourself. But Rumlow was practically untouchable.

When Rumlow had called you into his office, which was a place you dreaded being and even more hated being alone with him, you were nervous. You had learned a long time ago to hide those nerves around predators like Rumlow who could practically detect them, but sometimes they came out anyway.

"The Asset's been located," he says to you while looking out the huge bay window. He liked to think HYDRA his kingdom and he liked to act like he was king of the world. You knew it wasn't true, but the last time you pointed it out, the torture was pretty bad and had gone on for who the fuck knows how long. Ever since your adolescence, they had tried to squash every inch of your rebellion out of your body, you did the smart thing -- you just pretended it wasn't there. You were waiting, biding your time.

You just give him a look.

"You worked with him the closest," Rumlow said to you. He turned around to look at you. "Even though he's no longer under our control, he's going to trust you."

"What are you saying, sir?" you ask him, as politely as you can manage. HYDRA couldn't control you, you weren't receptive to the chair, but you knew the kind of torture he could personally dish out.

"I want you to go to Manhattan. To Avengers Tower. I mean, they took Barnes, didn't they? He's ex-HYDRA. Infiltrate them." He looks you up and down and you know that he's probably picturing some really disgusting things. "Do absolutely _everything_ necessary to get alone with the Soldier. Seduce him back to our side. Deliver him to me and I'll give you the one thing you've always wanted."

"And that is, sir?" you ask, watching him closely.

"Your freedom. You'll be free from HYDRA, we'll never hunt you down again. Do this and we'll free you."

Rumlow can tell by the look on your face that you don't believe him, so he adds, "So, how about this, then, Y/N? You return without the Soldier? You're dead. We kill you." He shrugs, and you can tell that he's going for nonchalance. "Easy, right?"

You knew he was being honest. You knew that, with your powers, HYDRA would never let you go. But you didn't dare voice it, so you just nodded. "I will, sir," you answer him. You had to do this. For HYDRA. For your survival.

***

Bucky didn't think about his HYDRA days very often. At least, not of his own free will. There were days he was trapped in the Soldier's mindset, where he just couldn't seem to snap out of it, and he would have severe nightmares and the night terrors were pretty horrific. People in the Tower had learned very quickly not to try to wake him while he was having them, either -- Steve had been the first person, and when Bucky had snapped to, Steve was beaten almost bloody. Bucky didn't leave his apartment for days.

Bucky and Steve were rooming together now; they were sharing an apartment in Avengers Tower, and even though they had separate rooms, they lived like friends again. They were close, and even though everybody said that Steve and Bucky were together romantically, they were what Natasha once called _platonic soulmates_. They were close and loved each other, but they were practically brothers.

Steve had gotten to be severely protective over Bucky since he'd re-joined him in the 21st century. If anybody showed an interest in Bucky, Steve vetted them first. And even though Tony Stark had issues with Bucky, the longer Bucky stayed in the Tower, the more Tony started to like the guy. Every day that passed, Steve started seeing more and more of the old Bucky Barnes leaking out.

Bucky and Steve were down in the gym, sparring, when you show up at the Tower. You had worked with many people, especially Rumlow, to gather ideas on how to infiltrate the Avengers. You had known that Barnes and Romanov _might_ know who you were, but you were pretty sure you'd be able to push into Natasha's mind, and HYDRA had taught you the art of seduction a long time ago, for cases like this one. You were beautiful, and you knew how to work it.

You had managed to push your way into the guards' minds, and you were able to get into Tony Stark's mind, too. I mean, you were beautiful, and Tony was always susceptible to a pretty face. You had told him that you had powers and wanted to be part of the Avengers, and you could even benefit people. That's when he wanted you to meet the team, to see if they could get a better read on you.

Barnes was there. Your target was there, and you almost lost it when you walked into the common room and saw him sitting there beside Captain America. He cocked his head to the side like he recognized you, but you weren't sure if he actually did or not. You decided to just play it cool and try really hard to go with the story that Rumlow had cooked up for you.

They were sitting there, just watching you. All the Avengers in one spot. The Falcon, Captain America, Black Widow, the Winter Soldier, Hawkeye, Iron Man, even the Scarlet Witch and the Vision were there. The only people that weren't present were the Hulk and Thor. You took a deep breath before you lost your nerve; you needed to center yourself and tell the story you'd cooked up with Rumlow.

"So, start at the beginning," Steve says with concern in his eyes. "What's your name?"

"I'm Y/N," you answer. Something that HYDRA'd been over with you so many times was that the best lies were based in truth. "Born and raised in Moscow."

"You don't have an accent," Wanda observed. "Why not?"

"You're Sokovian," you countered. "You don't have one either."

"Touché," she replied.

"I don't have an accent because I worked damn hard to get rid of it," you tell her. "I was born and raised in Moscow but lost my parents a long time ago. Been going from home to home, to try and find myself, to try to just survive. Then my powers manifested."

"What are they?"

"I'm an elemental," you say. "If it's an element, I can control it. I also have the power to push things into others' minds."

"Meaning what?" Natasha asked. You were really afraid that maybe Natasha had recognized you, because, even though the Red Room and HYDRA didn't always work together, you had met a few times.

"It means I can push thoughts into others' minds. Tell them to do things. But it isn't full mind-manipulation."

"How?" she asked. You can tell from the very start she doesn't trust you.

"It's not mind-manipulation because I can't _make_ people do anything they really don't want to do. I can put the idea in their head, but if they don't want to do it, or if they're opposed to it in any way, it won't happen. They have to want it. I just make them more susceptible to the thought -- I can't force it."

"Sounds dangerous," Sam says to you. "You can make people do things?"

You roll your eyes, "Again, I can't force anyone to do something they _don't_ want to do. Like, for example, Mr. Noble Captain America over there, I couldn't make him go, and say, murder a bunch of kids, because everyone knows he _wouldn't_ do it. If he'd never entertained the thought, it'd never happen. I can just subtly manipulate thoughts."

They don't believe you. Finally, you sigh. "Watch," you say. You look directly at Steve Rogers -- the noblest man in the entire world, _Captain America_ \--and start to push into his mind. You try to tell him to do something outrageous -- you tell him to kiss Bucky. Something that, even though people _thought_ Bucky and Steve were together, you knew wasn't true, and he looks directly at you, his icy stare boring into your eyes.

"I can feel that," he states. "And it's not going to happen."

Everybody just watches him carefully.

"Do you see what I mean?" you ask him. "I tried to push a thought into your head, but it's something you wouldn't do in a million years, so you won't do it. I can't _force_ anybody to do anything they don't want to do."

"What'd she try to make you do?" Bucky asked Steve, and you notice the blush color Steve's cheeks.

"I didn't _try_ to _make_ him do anything. I pushed an idea into his head. Something I knew he would never do, just to prove I _can't_ control anyone."

"I say we give her a shot," Tony said. For a brief moment, everyone looked at him, and they were stunned. Finally, Natasha glares at you.

"How do I know you _didn't_ push your way into Tony's mind?" she asks you accusingly. "I mean, he's always been blind to a pretty face."

"I resemble that remark," Tony muttered. Natasha didn't look impressed.

Rumlow had told you not to tell them about your mind-manipulation powers. He had told you just to go with the elemental and the fact that you excelled at both hand-to-hand combat and several different types of martial arts. Maybe you shouldn't have told them.

"I didn't push my way into Tony's head," you say. You're not sure they're going to let you in after all.

But you'd been trained by the best of the best.

"I'm also proficient in several different types of martial arts and I excel in hand-to-hand," you add. "I can be an asset to the team."

They're watching you closely. You rub a hand over your face as the team decides your fate.

"I still say we give her a shot," Tony says again. Then he looks at Natasha, "Look, Nat, maybe she _did_ push her way into my head. But I'm protective of all of you, and you know that. Besides, we can take her down if need be."

Natasha still doesn't trust you. _Smart girl_ , you think to yourself.

"Probationary period," Natasha finally says, "as long as everybody else is in agreement. There's an empty apartment on Steve and James' floor. I think they'd be able to take you down if need be."

You nod as you watch them. They ask you to leave the room for a few moments while they converse with one another. You stand out there for what seems like forever.

Finally, Clint comes to get you. You know he's testing you when he signs in ASL. You watch him carefully as he asks you if you can understand him.

 _What do you think?_ you sign back to him.

He just shrugs.

_They want you back in there_ , he signs again. You nod. 

You went into the common room, where the team had assembled. "I know you can speak and hear, Hawk," you say to him. "So, say something to me." 

"I trust Nat's judgment," he answers you. You know you have to take it. 

"We've decided to let you in," Steve says after a moment. "It's a probationary period. Don't disappoint us." 

You sigh. "You got it, Captain," you answer. 

You know, deep in your gut, that you're never going to be able to do what Rumlow wants. You know that you're going to do one of two things: you're either going to disappoint HYDRA, or you're going to disappoint the Avengers. You try to focus on your mission and not think too much about it. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to start this off by stating it outright: I'm so horrible at writing action scenes. I'm truly terrible at them. But I tried my best. I'm trying to improve.

You had been in Avengers Tower for almost a week when you realized how different the Avengers were from HYDRA.

You had been set up in the apartment next door to the one Steve and Bucky were living in. Right away they had you in the gym and wanted to see what you could do.

Natasha didn't trust you. You didn't think she would; Natasha was a smart girl, and very suspicious. She'd had trouble in the past, with everything horrendous she'd gone through at the hands of the Red Room, and she didn't blindly trust _anyone_. 

When Rumlow had given you your assignment, he had done everything to make sure there was no record of you being HYDRA. While most of your story was true -- everything about your name was real, your powers, and the fact that you'd been born and raised in Moscow -- there were things that had been fabricated as well. The trick to telling the perfect lie was not only believing it but filling in the blanks with the truth.

You weren't sure they believed you about your fighting expertise. The Widow was legendary in the fact that she could take down a man twice her size, so it was no surprise that they wanted you to start with her.

You had studied her methods as a child. Hell, you were thankful Natasha hadn't recognized you yet, considering the fact that she'd actually participated in some of your training. Between Natasha and Bucky, you'd learned from the best of the best.

It was hard not to call on that training. If you used her own moves against her, Natasha'd know that you were once HYDRA, and that would raise her suspicion of you. Since the moves had pretty much been beaten into you, it was difficult not to use them, but you did your best. You felt a little nervous going up against Natasha, especially since most of the Avengers were standing around, watching the two of you.

You let out a huff of air when her feet swiped underneath yours and you landed flat on your back. Her knee went into your ribs and you tried to center yourself. You felt like you were a teenager in HYDRA ranks once again, trying to prove your worthiness. The only thing you knew about the Avengers was that you wouldn't be punished for failing this time.

You managed to roll her off you and pull yourself up. She maneuvers her body so she's on her feet again as well, and you lose count of how many punches and kicks there are. Natasha's excellent; pretty much everyone in the world knows how well-trained the Window is, but even though you've been nothing but a shadow and a ghost for HYDRA since you were a teenager, you weren't half bad yourself. The only difference was the fact that nobody had ever heard of you before.

If you were being honest with yourself, that was probably why Rumlow had chosen you to begin with.

The fight had ended when you accidentally used one of her own moves against her -- something you were trying hard as hell not to do. You trapped her on the floor, your thighs around her throat, and then managed to maneuver your body so your hand was around her throat, your knee in her ribs. The both of you are breathing heavily and you can feel the sweat pouring down your body.

She nods at your success, and you stand up, giving yourself time to breathe. She studies you for a few moments, "That was my own move. How'd you know it?"

"Look, I know you're suspicious about it," you say. You're trying to figure out how to fix this. You couldn't believe the slip-up you'd made -- Rumlow would've really chewed your ass out about that one. It would've cost you dearly. "But I know who you are. Natalia Romanova, the Black Widow, one of the Red Room's highest operatives. Your moves are legendary. You can look them up on YouTube, for God's sake."

She still eyes you suspiciously but doesn't say anything.

"Your fighting style is good," Steve says from the sidelines. "Why didn't you use your powers?"

"Uh, because I thought I wasn't supposed to," you answer him hesitantly. "I'm an elemental, yes, but I am also a highly --" you cut yourself off because you almost said _highly trained_ , and that would've definitely caused a problem. You see Steve's quizzical glance at your abrupt ending, so you changed your train of thought. "I'm a highly practiced combatant. How do you think I stayed alive on the streets? Especially those of Moscow? That place is very dangerous, especially for a teenage girl."

You notice how Bucky makes a face and Natasha nods.

Good. They're buying it.

"When you're all alone, you've got to learn how to take care of yourself," you continue. "I've been through hell, guys. I know I'm good, but you kind of have to be when you're fighting to stay alive."

You see the nod come from Clint this time.

"Fine," Steve says after a moment, so you figure you'd won some points with them. "How about we test your powers then?"

You look nervous. "Look," you say, watching him closely, your gaze shifting across all the Avengers. "You guys are an amazing team, but my powers are kind of...well, they're kind of dangerous. I've hurt a lot of people without meaning to. I'd hate to hurt any of you guys."

"I doubt you can hurt Stevie and me," Bucky pipes up from next to Steve. "We heal pretty quickly, and there isn't a lot that can kill us."

"You're still human, whether you're super-soldiers or not," you argue. "And then there are members who are actually human. I don't want to hurt anyone."

Which was true. You were tasked with bringing the Winter Soldier back to HYDRA, which meant they wanted him alive. And, while you were supposed to be on the opposing side of the Avengers, you didn't actually want to _hurt_ any of them.

That's when Wanda stepped forward. You had heard many stories about what a great power the Scarlet Witch housed, but now that you were actually _seeing_ her, you had no idea how tiny she actually was. As she stepped forward, she watched you closely and said, "Fight me."

You cocked your head to the side, questioning her.

"I'm enhanced, like you," she said, replying to your unasked question. "Mine was from experiments, yes, but I have a lot of power. You can't hurt me."

You take a few moments to think it over.

"Wait," you say, a thought just hitting you. "You can get into other people's heads, can't you? Have you read my mind?"

She shook her head. "Nope. I don't do that -- at least, I try not to. Are you afraid I'm going to get into your head for some reason?"

You shake your head. "Not the way you think," you answer her. "I'm not hiding anything, if that's your worry. I'm an open book. I just worry that you're able to see my next move by those powers of yours. That would ruin everything."

"If you're up against HYDRA --" Steve started, but you just shook your head.

"That's not it. I know that they are dirty players and will use any weakness they can find. I've seen it, okay? I mean, look at everything the world's been through since your time. They're despicable." Boy, do you ever know that, but you know that you can't go into detail, because then it would show that you've had intimate dealings with the organization. "I just want a level playing field here."

Wanda smiles at you. "Don't worry, love," she says, and your heart is melting at how nice she's being. How you don't deserve her kindness, but she's giving it to you anyway. "I'll make sure it's a fair fight."

You nod.

Your little group moves out to the courtyard, since it'd be easier for you to move around out there, and Wanda was actually worried about destroying the gym. Everybody knows the obscene budget that Tony had and used for fixing up the Tower and things that had been broken over the last several years, but she still didn't want to wreck anything.

You had no doubt in your mind that Wanda was better than you were and more powerful. Even after she defected to the Avengers, HYDRA agents still talked about how she was one of their greatest successes. Her twin brother had been their other one, but he had given his life to save others, which HYDRA agents had taken time to talk about how stupid he was to do that, and they were trying to re-do those experiments.

And she was _excellent_. You'd never actually seen her powers in action before, since you'd always been on missions with the Soldier, and when you weren't with him, you were shut up in the compound. They didn't trust you in the real world. You had only _heard_ talk of how good the twins were and how they were going to level the playing field.

She knocked you down several times, but you refused to let her keep you there. You had wanted to show your worth to the Avengers, to the people who you were on a probationary period with. You needed to prove you were good enough.

By the time the battle was over, you were proud of yourself. You hadn't lost control. For the first time, you had kept control of yourself, and even though there had been a bit of a snafu with the storm clouds, and even had a not-so-small issue with the tornado you conjured, and, while, in the end both you and Wanda were drenched, you had kept it under control. A great big smile crossed your face.

Wanda came towards you, "You did great, Y/N." She watched you carefully before adding, "By the look on your face, I'm guessing you've always had trouble keeping your powers under control."

You nod, a shy smile covering your face. "Yeah," you admit. "I've always had issues keeping them under control. I mean, I'm better at it now than I was when my powers manifested, but I still have a lot of issues with it."

"Has somebody been helping you?" she asks gently. You knew the story with the twins; hell, _everyone_ at HYDRA knew why they had decided to join up. You felt so awful by sponging off her sympathy for your sob story, but this was life or death.

You shake your head. "Nah," you say. "I've been trying to muddle through it myself. It's not exactly easy, but I'm doing the best I can."

She comes closer to you and then hugs you. "You should be proud of yourself, Y/N," she whispers to you. "You're doing amazingly."

"You could really stand to be trained up a little, don't you think?" Steve said, coming towards you. You had honestly forgotten the other Avengers were there while it's just been you and Wanda, so you jumped a little. You chastised yourself in your head; you'd only been here a week and you were already losing touch with yourself. You had to get it together.

You nod. "Yeah," you answer. "I've been muddling through it little by little, the best I can do by myself. Believe it or not, I've actually improved since I was younger."

Steve nodded.

"How about we break for the day?" he asked in his best Captain's voice. The team decides to order in and place an order at a usual place. You observed the team carefully; they seem to really enjoy each other's company and knew each other like a book.

They gather in the cinema room for a movie after dinner, but you don't feel like a movie. So, instead, you go into the gym, where you start wailing at a punching bag.

"What's got you all worked up, sugar?" came the voice after you'd been in there for about half an hour. You turn around, wipe the sweat from your brow, and see Bucky standing there. He's got a smirk on his face and you try to understand why.

You remove the tape from your hands as you sit down on a bench a few feet away from the heavy bag. Bucky comes over and sits down beside you.

You hate what you're doing to him. Bucky was lucky enough to get away from HYDRA, but you can't tell him what's going on. If you don't bring him back to HYDRA, you're going to lose. This is a matter of life or death.

"It's fine," you answer, putting on a smile. "I have a bunch of frustrations built up. I may not be super-strong, not like you or Captain Rogers, but every once in a while I need to let off some steam."

He nods.

"You've been in the Tower for a week," Bucky says after a moment. "You seem to be fitting in nicely."

You nod. "Yeah," you answer. "I guess so."

"You alright, sweetheart?" he asks, concern clear on his face. "I mean, you look like something's wrong."

The guilt you're feeling about this is major, but you're not sure what you're going to do. The week you've spent at the Tower is the best week you've had in years. The only thing you can think of is how you grew up at the HYDRA compound. There was so much hurt, so much anger, so much torture. Things had happened to you that shouldn't have happened to anyone else.

"I'm fine," you say as you force a smile. If Bucky notices it's forced, he doesn't say anything.

"You wanna get out of here for a while?" he asks you. "There's this really great diner down the street that serves really great cheesecake. I mean, if you like that kind of thing."

You look at him coyly. "Why, Bucky Barnes, are you trying to ask me out on a date?"

He blushes, which was a weird look to see on his face, but then he nods. "Yeah, I reckon I am. What do you say?"

You grin as he holds out his arm for you to take. You do, and then say, "I'd love to."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note the rating change and the additional tags. There is smut in this chapter. It wouldn't really be The Art of Seduction without smut in there somewhere.

The Tower was practically dark when you and Bucky returned. The two of you had had a great time and hadn't returned until after eleven o'clock. Not only had you gone to get a slice of cheesecake, you had chatted and really enjoyed each other's company.

You had been at the diner for at least a couple of hours, and the chatting and eating turned into light flirting with a game of footsie underneath the table. This was different than your usual assignment.

Rumlow had given you the assignment to seduce the Winter Soldier back over to HYDRA, but you weren't pretending right now. The Bucky Barnes that you started to know was a Bucky Barnes that you really started to like.

He walked you to your apartment door. You smiled seductively at him and leaned against the wall outside your apartment. The sexual tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife, and you really enjoyed your time with Bucky. You decided to tell him so.

"I really enjoyed my time with you tonight, Bucky," you say softly. He leans in and just watches you, lifting his hand and caressing your face lightly. He licks his lips as you're watching him carefully. Finally, you just can't take it anymore and cup the back of his head, pulling him down to capture his lips with your own.

For about half a second, he lets out a gasp of surprise and then kisses you back hungrily. He feels so good pressed up against your body, his body both soft but hard in all the right places. You wrap your arms around his neck as you kiss one another, and his hands go to rest on the small of your back, fingers resting just under the waistband of your jeans.

You had no idea how much time passes while the two of you are just standing there, attacking each other's mouths, but you never want this to end. You abruptly break apart to breathe, and you're gasping for breath. He leans down and leaves open-mouthed kisses and nips on your neck, slightly scraping his teeth on the sensitive skin right underneath your ear.

You let out a loud moan, but you can feel Bucky chuckle against your skin. You smile as you pull his head towards yours once more so you can feel him kiss your lips again. You're not sure how long the make-out lasts, but you absolutely love the way he feels against your body. You twirl your fingers in the short hairs at the nape of his neck, just adoring the way he felt under your fingertips.

When you break apart to breathe, he leans down and rests his forehead against yours. Your fingers are still tangling in his hair, and he feels absolutely incredible. You smile at him, and he returns your grin. "We don't have to go any further than you want to, sugar," he murmurs against your lips. "Whatever you're most comfortable with."

You smile. "I don't want to push you into anything _you_ don't want," you say to him. You know what it's like to be forced into something against your own free will, and you want Bucky to know that you only want what he's willing to give you.

He nods.

"You wanna come in?" you ask Bucky after a few moments had passed. Again, he nods.

You pull him into your apartment, and the two of you are fumbling kisses while you make your way to the bedroom. The one thing you love about the apartment Stark had given you in the Tower was the fucking king-sized bed in the bedroom. You'd never slept on anything as big and as comfortable your entire life and had no idea how you were supposed to go back to what you were used to after all this was over.

Once you're in the bedroom, he takes the time to start to strip you of your clothes. It doesn't take very long before the two of you are naked and you're still kissing and nipping at each other's lips, not wanting to separate for more than a few seconds at a time.

Once you're fully naked, he pushes you back so your back hits the mattress and he drops to his knees, spreading your legs. He nips and kisses at the inside of your thighs while looking up at you with those stormy blue eyes of his.

"Is there something you want?" you ask him. You see the barely there grin that's on his face as he sucks a bruise into the inside of one of your thighs. "Tell me what's going through that head of yours."

"I think the question is, what do _you_ want, sugar?" he asks, a seductive smirk crossing his lips. "Why don't you let me know?"

When you're silent, he says to you, his voice dropping to a sexy purr, "You want me to eat your pussy, sugar? I absolutely love going down on a woman, and you smell fucking _amazing_."

You nod your head vigorously, "I would _love_ that."

He grins before separating your legs even further so he can slip between them. He leans down and licks a stripe up your slit before fucking his tongue into your opening, his nose brushing your clit as he does so. His mouth feels fucking _marvelous_ , and one of your hands reaches down to tangle your fingers in his dark hair as the other one fists the bedsheets next to you.

You're writhing and moaning as he drapes an arm over your body to try to keep you still. You're moving your hips, and that's when he inserts two of his thick fingers into your heat. His mouth moves to your clit, wrapping his lips around the bundle of nerves, as he thrusts his fingers in and out of your cunt.

"Oh, God, so fucking good," you mewl out. You're tangling your fingers in his hair a little more roughly, yanking very lightly, and he lets out a moan against your skin. He is starting to lick and nip at your clit a little faster as he quirks his fingers so he's rubbing deliciously against your G-spot. He adds another finger and you feel so full.

"So good," you repeat, and his eyes snap up to gaze into yours. "I'm so close, Bucky, I'm gonna come..."

Your voice trails off as you feel the impending orgasm start to crest. He feels so good against your skin and you know you're really close, you're not going to last very much longer.

"Come for me, darlin'," he groans against your center. "I know you're close."

It seems as though all your body was waiting for was his permission, because only a few seconds after his lips wrap around your clit once again, your body arches up and you come around his fingers. You come so hard you actually gush onto him, and even though you start to feel embarrassed about it, he just chuckles.

Hand still entwined in his hair, you pull him up so you can kiss him. He leans forward and captures your mouth, and you can taste yourself on his tongue. Your hand moves from his hair to the back of his neck as he attacks your mouth hungrily.

He feels so good against you, and when he pushes his tongue into your mouth, you let out a moan. Your other hand smooths up and down his arm and you notice he's grinding against the bed during your make-out session.

You break the kiss to murmur against his lips, "I want you, Bucky. Right now."

He nods in agreement. For a brief moment, his gaze meets yours and then he reaches into the bedside stand and he pulls out a condom. He tears the foil packet open with his teeth and rolls the rubber down his cock as you scoot up the bed just a little. He arranges himself on you and leans down to kiss you as he enters you in one thrust.

He pauses for a few moments, giving you time to adjust to his size, and then starts to thrust shallowly into you. You groan as your hands are exploring his back and then you cup the back of his head as his thrusts turn faster.

He hoists your leg over his shoulder, changing the angle so he's thrusting into you deeper and hitting your G-spot on every thrust. You let out a low groan as he's still attacking your mouth with his own. The thrusts are deep, but they're slow and they feel amazing. It's not like any sex you've ever had before.

His lips leave yours as he leans down and leaves kisses and nips on your neck, and then sucks a bruise into your shoulder. His lips feels so good on your skin, his skin so hot against yours. You guess that the rumor you've heard about super-soldiers running hot is true.

"Pull out," you murmur, and he does so. He looks at you questioningly, so you say, "I want to change positions."

He nods, and you roll over, getting on your forearms and knees, and he grins as he enters you from behind. With this position, he's hitting your G-spot on every thrust, him feeling deeper inside of you than he did before, and it feels even better than it did. He's practically silent while thrusting, letting out groans and little gasps of your name every so often. He leans down to kiss and bite at the back of your shoulder, and you let out a moan.

Licking two of your fingers, your hand travels down to rub your clit in slow circles. You're climbing that high, getting closer and closer to your orgasm.

"You're so fucking tight, sugar," he groans out, kissing at the back of your neck. "I bet you're so fucking close, aren't you?" You groan your agreement, not even able to make a coherent sentence. "Come on, Y/N, come on and come for me. I wanna feel you come around me."

Your body is starting to shake with your impending orgasm, and only a few moments pass before you're coming around him. You tried to stop it, tried to last a little longer, but had absolutely no success in doing so. He knew how to work your body in all the right ways.

He thrusts a few more times before his body tenses up and he comes into the condom. Feeling his finish, you collapse onto your belly, and he's still inside you. He takes a deep breath, and you can feel the sweat fall from his body to yours, and then, after getting his breath back, he pulls out. He removes the condom, tying it off and tossing it into the trash bin by the bed.

You scoot over and look at him. "You don't have to lay with me if you don't want to," you say, noticing the look on his face. You can't pinpoint what he's thinking, but you don't want him to feel like he has to stay the night with you if he doesn't want to. "I want whatever you're willing to give me."

He smiles softly at you before lying down next to you. Letting out a yawn, he looks at you and says, "Darlin', there's nowhere I'd rather be."

***

The next day you are away from the Tower when you make the call. Before leaving the HYDRA base, you'd been given a phone from Rumlow so you could check in periodically. You had made sure to leave the Tower to make the call because you figure that Tony probably has eyes and ears all over the Tower, and you can't afford to jeopardize your position.

"Any progress yet, Y/N?" Rumlow answers, not even bothering to tell you hello. "How's it going with the Asset?"

"He's not the Asset right now, sir, he's just _Bucky_. And it's going great."

"Status update?"

"I'm getting closer. It's probably going to take a little bit longer, but I'm starting to get underneath his skin."

"Do you think you're going to be able to do this, Y/N, or do I need to send someone to finish the job for you?"

You roll your eyes. "Don't worry about me, sir," you answer him as politely as you can. "I can manage. I'm going to succeed."

"I'm counting on you, Y/N," he says disparagingly. "Just remember what hangs in the balance. Remember what happens if you fail."

You sigh and nod even though you know he can't see you. "Yes, sir," you answer, trying to squash your nerves, because _yes, you do_. "I know."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at writing action scenes and I know nothing about the medical field at all. I've never even broken a bone myself, so my knowledge is next to nothing. I'm just putting that out there.

When you went on your first mission with the Avengers, Natasha still didn't trust you.

Until you saved her life.

It had been a routine mission. HYDRA had developed a poison that Steve had heard about, and you had to stop them. You, Wanda, and Steve were all enhanced, so you knew the poison wouldn't hurt you. Thankfully, you didn't have to say anything because Steve knew it, too. You had taken Natasha and Tony with you as well, just because you needed the help.

You were worried about Natasha. Tony had the Iron Man suit, and the poison wouldn't penetrate it, so you knew he'd be okay. And while Natasha had been through shit the Red Room did to her, she wasn't exactly enhanced. You were pretty sure Bucky should've accompanied you guys -- not Natasha. But you weren't brave enough to voice it.

Steve was taking care of the vial when the team got separated. You were pretty sure it was a trap, because that's when you got ambushed. You had been separated along with Natasha, though, and you knew she already didn't trust you, but the fight had been pretty bad.

HYDRA agents surrounded you -- there were at least twenty of them, and not even both you _and_ Natasha could take them all on. That's when you lost your temper, and your powers were so much worse when you got emotional -- they became almost uncontrollable. You had conjured a pretty bad earthquake and it had knocked a lot of the agents out. There were several of them who were dead, you knew that already, but the bad thing was that it had knocked Natasha out as well.

She'd already been badly hurt -- there were several agents who had gotten swipes in, a lot of kicks, punches, and even weapons. She had a huge gash on her stomach, was bleeding out, and there was a pretty bad cut on her forehead. You put pressure on the gash in her abdomen, knowing that she'd probably need stitches, and you could feel that she had at least two broken ribs. She was also incredibly pale, and her lips had turned blue. She wasn't getting enough oxygen.

When you had first joined the Avengers, Steve had made you sit in on several first aid classes, just to make sure you were certified and knew what to do in the case of an emergency. At the time, you had complained about it, but now you were especially grateful for it.

When Natasha stopped breathing, you started internally freaking out. Thankfully, that's when Wanda found you.

"I felt the tremors and ran here as fast as I could," Wanda said in a way of explanation, her heartbeat so fast and loud you could practically hear it. "What happened?"

She took a look at all the HYDRA agents around the two of you and then realization covered her features. "Did you lose control?"

You can't speak, your voice is stuck in your throat, but you do manage to nod.

You're so freaked out that your body is shaking, and that's when the rest of the team finds you. Steve carried Natasha to the quinjet, where Tony gets a look at her.

Between you and Tony, you keep Natasha alive, even though you feel like she's just hanging in the balance. When you arrive back at the compound, she's whisked away to the med bay, where Stark's personally vetted staff of doctors and nurses take a look at her. That's when Steve pulls you aside.

"I know you're worried about Nat right now, Y/N, but she's in good hands, I assure you," he says to you softly, even though you're watching through the window of the room. You see the staff taking care of Natasha, but you hear his words and it calms you down a little. "I need to know what happened."

"How did you know I was still listening to you?" you ask Steve as you look at him for the first time. "I know I looked a little zoned out." If you'd had that look on your face when Rumlow was talking to you during a HYDRA mission, you'd have paid for it dearly. His gaze softens.

"I could just tell," he replies. "Besides, Y/N, I trust you. Now I need to know what happened to you and Nat."

You shake your head, "I don't know. HYDRA was everywhere. There were at least twenty agents, maybe even more, I'm not sure. They got several kicks and punches in, and that's when a few of them came towards her with knives. When they slashed Natasha's stomach open, that's when I freaked out a little." You look into his blue eyes. "I usually have my powers under control -- especially since I've been working with Wanda. But when I get emotional, all that control flies out the window. I saw her hurt, and I couldn't help it -- I conjured an earthquake. It knocked several of the agents out, along with Natasha. I know a few of them are dead, but I wasn't concerned with them at the time -- the only thought I had was that Natasha had to be okay." You felt the tears gather in your eyes but don't want to lose it yet. "She _is_ going to be okay, isn't she? C'mon, Captain, you can tell me -- I can take it."

"She'll be fine," Steve assures you. "We've got the best staff money can buy. And Dr. Cho is amazing."

You knew a lot about Dr. Helen Cho, and you knew that she was a spectacular doctor. You also knew that she was one of the doctors who Tony Stark trusted wholeheartedly. So you just nod at Steve.

They work on Natasha for what seems like forever. You sit out in the hallway on the floor, knees by your chest and your arms wrapped around them. You take a few deep breaths to try to regulate your breathing, and you don't even realize it when Bucky and Wanda sit down on either side of you.

"Are you okay, doll?" Bucky asks you. You look up at him, and if he notices the tears gathering in your eyes and the tear tracks on your face, he doesn't mention it. You're grateful for it.

"I will be," you answer. Your voice is wrecked, partly from crying, and partly from the fact that you'd been sitting there for hours and refused to speak to anyone. "Is Natasha okay?"

"She'll be fine," Wanda assures you, just like Steve did. You look over at her, and she can tell from the look you shoot her that you don't believe her.

"I don't need anyone to lie to me," you snap at her. You can tell by the surprised look on her face that she wasn't expecting it. "Natasha is going to die, and it's all my fault. I did it."

"What do you mean?" Wanda asks you, looking surprised. Bucky also looked intrigued.

You sigh, "The earthquake. I conjured that earthquake. I made it. I was so scared, and those agents were fucking _everywhere_. They swiped at Natasha, and I lost control. She would've been okay if the earthquake hadn't knocked her flat. If she dies, that's on me."

When you were with HYDRA, you weren't allowed to admit fear. One of the first things they'd done to you was trying to knock fear out of you -- that's when the torture had begun; they'd tried to make it so you weren't afraid of anything. If you would've admitted fear to Rumlow, you would've been knocked on your ass and the torture session that followed would've been horrid. Not for the first time since you'd been in the Tower, you were thankful that the Avengers were not HYDRA, and didn't operate the same way.

"It's not your fault, sugar," Bucky's voice is soothing, and so is the fact that he wraps his arms around you. "Sometimes you can't control your emotions. I know what that feels like."

"I shouldn't ever lose control," you admit, practically reciting what Rumlow had told you over and over again. "I should be in control of my emotions. Natasha should've been able to rely on me, and instead, she's lying in that hospital bed. Which is my fucking fault to begin with."

"Y/N," Wanda said softly, "It's not your fault. Trust me when I say this -- I know what it feels like to lose control. To be afraid of your own powers. To be so strong, but when you cause something that results in a horrible event, to feel so weak and so powerless. To feel like maybe you shouldn't be here to begin with." You look at her questioningly and see the understanding in her eyes, which kind of knocks you down. She wraps her arms around you as well, her arms joining Bucky's.

"I hadn't been with the Avengers for very long when I'd caused a really bad event to happen," she explains. "I hadn't had my powers for very long and was still getting used to them. I mean, when HYDRA experimented on me, they tried to make sure that I knew how to use them, but they didn't care if I caused a catastrophe or not, they just wanted to make sure I knew how to use them. I caused something terrible to happen, and I felt so badly afterwards, even though Steve tried to tell me it wasn't my fault." She sighs softly and then looks at you. "I know you probably don't believe me right now, Y/N, but this isn't your fault. If anything, Natasha is still _alive_ because of you. You kept her alive."

You don't believe her, but she already knows that.

You're not sure how long the three of you just sit out there in the hallway, huddled up together. For some reason, you're always most comfortable around Bucky and Wanda. Part of you wonders if it's because they've been through HYDRA's torture and know what it feels like.

You sigh softly, knowing that you're not sure if you can do this to Bucky after all.

When Dr. Cho comes out to talk to you about Natasha, you stand up quickly. Bucky and Wanda also stand with you.

"Y/N," she says softly, courteously. "My name is Helen Cho. I was the doctor working on Nat."

You nod. "Captain Rogers told me who you were."

She filled you in on what was going on. "Nat is going to be fine." You let out a breath of air that you didn't even realize you were holding. "She has three broken ribs, and while she stopped breathing for a few minutes, no brain damage was done. She's going to be fine, and it's because of _you_."

You look at her curiously. "What do you mean, _because_ of me? She's in that bed _because_ of me."

"I know about the earthquake," Dr. Cho says to you, and you nod. You're hanging your head, but it snaps up when she says, "That agent got her good in the abdomen, and it doesn't matter whether or not you'd conjured that earthquake -- she was hurt really badly. But you stayed with her, you put pressure on her wound, and you gave her CPR. She's alive because of you."

"Are you sure?" you ask her hesitantly. You're slightly aware of Bucky rubbing your back soothingly, and you're grateful for it. You're surprised when she nods.

"Yeah. She's sleeping now, but you can go in and see her if you want." When you look at her curiously, she adds, "Sometimes, people like to see their loved ones. You know, proof that they'll be okay. I don't know if you're the type, but go ahead and sit with her, if you want to. It's not going to hurt anything."

You're still angry with yourself, and you're pretty sure both Wanda and Bucky can sense it, but they leave your side. Wanda mentions something about making dinner, and Bucky says he wants to go to the gym. You nod at them and go into Natasha's room, finding a chair by her hospital bed and sitting down in it.

You're not sure how much time passes that you sit there while Natasha sleeps. She looks so peaceful, and, after knowing the hell she'd gone through at the hands of both HYDRA and the Red Room, you feel like she deserves all the peace she can get.

Part of you wonders if Natasha ever still feels the guilt of the things she'd been forced to do during her time with the Russians. She'd worked with both the Red Room and HYDRA, even though she'd been brainwashed and done things against her will, but she knew that she was still the one who did it. The blood was still on her hands.

You wonder if you could ever do what she's done. What both Bucky and Wanda's done as well. Could you leave HYDRA and people would forgive you? That is, if Rumlow didn't kill you for it?

You're so caught up in your thoughts that when Natasha looks over at you and weakly says, "Hey you," it startles you.

"Hi," you say. You watch her carefully, expecting her to tell you to get out.

"Thank you," she says, surprising you. Your brow furrows in confusion as you watch her.

"You wanna say that again?" you ask her. "I mean, just repeat it? So I know I'm not hallucinating?"

She chuckles before repeating herself. "I said thank you. It possibly couldn't be _that_ hard to understand, right?"

You smile hesitantly. Then you sigh. "There's no need to thank me. I'm a part of this team, and so are you. Something about being on a team is that you look out for each other. Take care of one another."

"You saved my life, Y/N," she says. When she sees your look of confusion, she asks, "What? Did I say something wrong?"

You shake your head. "No, it's not that. It's just..." your voice trails off as you sigh. "Natasha, you're in that bed because of me."

"What do you mean?"

"That earthquake. I caused that earthquake that knocked you on your back. I know you've got a concussion, and that's all my fault."

"It's not your fault, Y/N," she says softly. Natasha's never been one for gentility, but she's doing it anyway. "Really, it's not. Yeah, you conjured that earthquake, but that HYDRA agent cut me up. He broke my ribs, he hit me in the head, he stabbed me. You kept me alive, Y/N, and for that, I'm eternally grateful."

You watch her closely. "Does this mean that you now trust me, Natasha?" you ask her tentatively. She chuckles as she nods.

"Yeah, Y/N, it does. Thanks for saving my life."

And even though you feel better about Natasha trusting you, part of you feels even worse than you did. You're setting them up for the fall -- and you hate yourself for it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My updates are going to be pretty sporadic for a while. My dad died on Wednesday (I put an update on my [tumblr](http://oneshotsbygabby.tumblr.com/post/183920715639/my-dad-died-early-this-morning-im-having-a-hard) explaining everything), but I've had this chapter written for a while and wanted to get it posted (finally). Comments and con/crit are always welcomed and greatly appreciated.

"Status update?"

You hadn't wanted to, but you needed to check in with Rumlow. In fact, after Natasha got hurt and that whole mission went sour, you spent a solid two weeks catering to her to ease your guilt and had kept pushing off calling Rumlow. You waited until the last possible moment.

"I had a bit of an issue with the Avenger mission and had to take some time to fix it. I finally gained the Widow's trust, though."

"Does that pertain to your mission, Y/N?"

You roll your eyes. "Actually, sir, it does," you answer him, trying to keep the spite out of your voice, but are not sure if you actually accomplished it. "Out of everyone here, I managed to gain the trust of everyone _except_ the Widow. But I saved her life last mission, so she's not a problem anymore."

"Yeah, I know. You killed five of my agents in the process."

"Sorry, sir," you say as cordially as you can muster, "but how do you think the Avengers would react if they knew I let one of their agents die? I had to do that in order to keep my cover."

"But you didn't _have to_ kill them, did you? Was that just for show?"

"No, sir. I, uh..." your voice trailed off, knowing that you had to admit it to him but didn't want to, but you were silently grateful you weren't at the HYDRA base and he couldn't punish you; at least, not now. "I lost control."

"I thought we had fixed that issue, Y/N," he says disapprovingly. You shake your head even though you know damn well he can't see you.

"I've been having issues, sir," you admit. "But it's okay. I'm getting better at control, but I was emotional. You know the powers are much stronger when I'm feeling emotional."

"We'll have a talk about that when you get back to the base, Y/N," Rumlow says gravely, and you know that there is going to be no talking involved with what he had planned.

"Yes, sir."

"I'm giving you another month, Y/N," Rumlow says after taking a brief moment. "If you're not successful in a month, I'm sending Ward after you."

"Sir," you say hesitantly, hoping that Rumlow will listen to your pleas, "it might take longer. Give me a little bit longer. This kind of thing takes finesse, and Bucky's a tough nut to crack. I'm getting somewhere, but you need to give me time in order to succeed."

He sighs, but then concedes, "Alright, Y/N, you've got a point. I'll give you a little longer. But if you _don't_ succeed, I _will_ have to send Ward to clean up your mess. Don't disappoint me any more than you already have."

"Yes, sir. Hail HYDRA."

You hate saying that, especially because you don't believe it, but you know that you have to. He isn't going to let you live if you don't do this.

***

When you arrive back at the Tower, you realize that you're going to have to amp it up or else Grant Ward is going to replace you, and he is so much worse than you. He's going to get Bucky back by force if needed, and you can't put Bucky in a life or death situation like that. Not again.

Even though you felt badly about what you were doing, you had to keep reminding yourself you were doing it for survival.

You showed up in the gym on a Saturday afternoon, where Bucky and Steve were sparring, and watched them carefully. Even when he was the Soldier, you'd always noticed how utterly beautiful Bucky was. And yeah, not many people used that adjective to describe men, but you'd always used it when it came to him; no other word could possibly do him justice.

While you just sat on a bench in the gym and watched the two of them, you had a feeling that Bucky knew you were there, and you also had a feeling that he was showing off for you. You knew that Steve and Bucky were close when it came to strength, and you never knew exactly which one of them was stronger. You had heard tale that it was Steve, but even so, Bucky had decades of training that Steve did not.

When they were finished and Steve bid Bucky farewell, Bucky came over to see you. He wiped his face with a towel as he sat next to you.

"Hey, doll," he said with a smile on his face. "What's up?"

"Huh?" you ask, watching him closely. You studied his stormy eyes with your own; you loved Bucky's eyes. They were a perfect mix of blue and grey and you easily found yourself getting lost in them every damn time. "Why does something have to be up for me to come see you?"

He chuckles.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come over tonight?" you ask him after a few beats of silence. "I want to cook you dinner, and then I thought we could do something. Play a game, or watch TV, or something."

He cocks his head to the side, but he finally says, "Sure, doll. Sounds good. What time do you want me there?"

You tell him to show up at eight. You want to run to the store to pick up a few key ingredients.

It may sound bizarre to the next person, but you were really missing Russia. You had been born there, and had lived there for many years, and so you had decided you wanted to make a dinner from home. You'd always been partial to borscht, and you weren't exactly sure how Bucky was going to take it, or if he even liked borscht, but you needed a touch of home right now.

You had wanted to make dessert, too, dying for some syrniki, which was something that you hadn't had in years. They didn't exactly feed you well over at the HYDRA base you'd been stationed at, but you really wanted comfort food right now.

That's when you decide to go and see Natasha. She hadn't been cleared for missions yet, but she, like you, was also Russian and could help you get the ingredients you needed. Besides, you wanted to talk to her.

She had an apartment that she shared with Clint, whenever he was at the Tower. He didn't always stay there, but Natasha and Clint were super-tight, and they were practically joined at the hip. You knew why, and you admired their friendship and the way they told each other everything.

You wished you had a relationship like that.

Only about two minutes after you knocked on the door, Natasha was opening it and asking you inside. You nod at her, and then, noticing Clint was on the couch, you nod at him, too.

"Hey, Y/N," Nat greets you, and ushers you over to the couch. "What's up?"

"I want some Russian food," you say bluntly, in lieu of a greeting, and then watch as Natasha cocks an eyebrow and Clint just laughs.

"What?"

You smile at her. "Sorry," you apologize, "but I'm dying for some borscht and syrniki."

"Mmm, syrniki," Natasha half-moans. "Do you know how to make that? I haven't had that in years."

You nod, "Yeah. Learned from my mom, before she died." You clear your throat at the awkwardness that had come into the room, but then add, "I need some key ingredients. Tony doesn't have everything I need. Do you think you could accompany me to the store?"

Natasha nods, "Yeah, certainly. You mind if Clint comes, too?"

You smile, "Not at all."

The trip to the store didn't take long, and Natasha and Clint helped you gather up everything you'd need for your dinner. They helped you carry everything into your apartment, and, as you started preparing dinner, Clint and Natasha seated at the island counter, Clint cleared his throat.

You offer them a drink, and they both take a bottle of beer out of your refrigerator. They keep you company as you start to cook your dinner, and Natasha is throwing out pointers every so often to how you can make something better, and you smile at her helpfulness.

"I'd never really been taught," you say to her. All you can see is kindness in her eyes, and it makes your heart melt. "My mom taught me a bit before she died, but I was just a kid when I lost her. We didn't have a lot of time together."

"What happened?" Clint asked softly.

"Cancer. But it happened so quickly. When they found it, it was so far advanced that treatment wouldn't have helped. They gave her six months, but she died in three."

"I'm sorry," Clint apologized. "I know how awful that can be."

You nod.

"What about your dad?" Natasha asks suddenly. "Was he ever around?"

You shake your head. "He left before I was born. My mom never married. I was raised by a single mother, who died when I was eight. Even when he found out about Mama's death, he didn't want me. He didn't want anything to do with me. So, I raised myself. Living on the streets. Stealing what I could eat and fighting for what I needed."

"But you made it out alive," Natasha points out. You nod.

"Is that when they approached you?" Clint asked, blowing you out of the water. You were not expecting that question.

"What do you mean?" You're starting to panic; they possibly _couldn't_ know you were HYDRA -- could they?

"HYDRA," Natasha says, confirming your worst fears. "We know you're with them."

For a brief moment, you're dumbstruck, so Natasha continues to talk.

"I had a hunch that first training session, when you used my own moves against me. But it's in the way you are -- the way you're afraid, the way you don't reach out to anyone, the way that you watch what you say and how you react to things. How you never talk about how afraid you are, or how you feign confidence when you really have no idea."

"We didn't say anything," Clint pipes up, watching you carefully, "because we weren't sure if you were a threat. So, now's your chance, Y/N; you have an opportunity to come clean. Tell us what's going on. We can _help_ you."

You sigh. You feel the tears coming to your eyes, so you decide to admit everything. Even if they kick you out of the Tower, you know you'll have done the right thing.

"They want the Asset back," you practically whisper. You see the panic in Natasha's eyes. "I was sent here to get him back, by the power of seduction if necessary. Rumlow --" and you hear the growl in Clint's throat as you say Brock's name -- "he's given me the task because I know the Soldier. Personally." You sigh, but then correct yourself. "Well, see, it's not exactly like I know him personally. I know the version of him that HYDRA made. The Soldier and I went on a lot of missions together. I was a ghost. Using my powers to aid the Soldier with whatever mission they sent him on or helping with whomever they wanted him to kill. Every time they wiped him, he lost me. I know he wouldn't remember me, but Rumlow was hoping that Bucky might have some kind of subconscious trust for me, since we have worked together in the past, and I have saved his life once or twice. He's saved mine, too. We were a team."

"How long do you have?" Natasha asked, and you can tell by the look in her eyes that she's making plans. "Before they send someone else?"

"I don't know," you answer honestly. "The last time I talked to Rumlow, he gave me a month, but I managed to talk him up a little bit."

"You don't want to do this, do you?" Clint asked softly. You noticed the look in his eyes, and was that _understanding_ you saw in them?

You shake your head. "No, I don't, but I don't have a choice. HYDRA owns me, and Rumlow's made it very clear -- it's either bring the Soldier back to HYDRA, or I die. There is no in-between."

They both can see the fear in your eyes, not to mention the tears that are starting to slip out of them. That's when Clint comes over and gives you a hug. He holds you tight and then says, "I'm not gonna let them hurt you, Y/N."

Again, you're confused.

"You're an Avenger now, Y/N," Natasha says, coming towards you to envelop you in her arms as well. "We're a team, and we look out for each other. We take care of each other, remember?"

You just nod, and, with Clint and Natasha holding you and the dinner preparations forgotten, you just let yourself cry.


End file.
